I just lost my crochet jellyfish on the way to University. Probably somewhere on the bus, on the walking path to Central Courtyard, Idk... I discovered the loss when I stopped to buy some coffee and realized my colorful jellyfish had gone and only the key chain was left hanging:( It felt so devastating. My boyfriend called right at that moment at which I was thinking I would go and call to cry to him about it. I knew that he had tried to make me feel less sad, but somehow I couldn't feel happy. I was annoyed that he seemed not to be so sorry for me as he comforted me that I could make another one. But it was my first crochet product, it was my cute little jellyfish...:( I knew I put him in a hard situation but I couldn't help myself smiling back. Then he teased me for not crying to him about that. That I should have acted like other girlfriends who would cry out loud to their boyfriends looking for comfort... My heart felt heavy after that tho he had been just joking. Now thinking about it: Aren't we the same? Both of us are always waiting for the other to do sth first. Expecting the other to act along the standards of love. But what are those?? Love is supposed to have no definition and no role models. As long as our hearts feel at ease with the other, then I think that's enough. For the first time in such a long (both metaphorically and literally), I realize myself when I'm being in a relationship. So different from what I have been thinking of myself...so material... and stiff. He is a good man. But do we belong with each other? The most important thing is, do I still want to be in this relationship or the reason I have been feeling off between us is because I'm no longer want to keep us going? I know the answer. It's just I don't dare to admit the truth. I'm scared to find out the truth and do it and eventually end up regretting it. So I just play along and react to whatever happens. Am I playing a victim? I'm such a coward.